What's going on?

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry

You don't know how lovely you are

I had to find you, tell you I need you

Tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets, & ask me your questions

Oh let's go back to the start

Running in circles, coming up tails

Heads on a science apart

Nobody said it was easy

It's such a shame for us to part

Nobody said it was easy

Nobody ever said it would be so hard

Oh let's go back to the start

I was just guessing at number & figures

Pulling the puzzles apart

Questions of science, science of progress

Do not speak as loud as my heart

But tell me you love me, come back & haunt me

Oh when I rush to the start

Running in circles, chasing our tails

Come back as we are...

Tell me what's going on in your head.What is it that you won't tell me? what is that shit that is setting us apart? I don't want this to end like this, I've already told you... I don't want to finish this fucking year, full of crap mad with you. I want to keep talking with you, I want to keep saying "I love you more" everyday, even if you don't say it back. I don't care... I'm happy just knowing that you know that I love you.

I shouldn't feel this way... Everybody tells me I'm such a stupid person for let you treat me like this and still care about you, but u know what? I DON'T GIVE A SHIT, 'cause the only thing I really care is you, and I know you feel something like that too, 'cause if you don't u wouldn't have hold me for so long next to you.

Everytime you're feeling down, you know I've been there just for you, I'd give up everything just to be with you, to catch all your tears, to hold you when you need it, just to be around, to be your friend and give you all my love... but it pissed me off that you don't seem to care. I mean, I know you do, but why are you acting like this? it's just not fair. I need you by my side this time, I AM feeling down 'cause I don't wanna miss you, I don't wanna lose you like I feel I'm right now

I've been here before so many times, and we both know it. It's not the first time you don't wanna talk with me, but I feel really bad now 'cause... in two weeks I won't be able to see you everyday like I've been doing for.. like, four years or something, but I don't want to do it as ur way, I want to use every second I have left with you being WITH YOU, at your side, kissing you, holding you, touching you, feeling you next to me, knowing you care... and dude, we both know this day'd come... but there's no need to act like this, is so immature and sick :S

And I don't know... maybe it was something I did or something I said. Maybe it's 'cause what happened up there last week, but I don't understand... you know we can talk about everything... EVERYTHING, trust is everything we had and I don't think we should throw it away for something like that, or at least... I don't know, give me an explanation, just to stop making fun of myself looking for you everyday, humiliating myself in front of everyone just to pay your attention. We both know this isn't sane anymore, and it's not funny or anything like that.

I just want you back, I mean the real you... that one that I know who is sweet, and that makes me feel that all I care about him worth it and that let me know that all these years weren't just a waste of time...

Please come back... tell me you love me like you used to. Come back to be like we used to be. I need you, I need to know what's going on with you, if you're okay, of you have problems or just laugh at things that happen to us everyday.

I just want to enjoy with you.I'll understand if you don't enjoy being around me anymore, just tell me... tell me to stop fucking you around and I'll try... even if it's hard I swear I will, but for that I need to know what you want this time from me.

Do you want space? Do you want me to fuck off and leave you alone? or you want me to be around you being like a bubblegum stick in you shoe? I need to know.

You know it's up to you, like it always has been... but I just want to ask you something, don't play with me anymore, just be honest... Let's go back to the start and tell me your secrets, I need to know what's going on with you... now... 'cause this feeling insecure and sad is killing me inside, and I don't want to feel this anymore. so please, come back to me...

Ok

Well... I have so many things to say, but Im not gonna write about everything at all.
My best friend & I are back to normal, I guess... & I just love him.... I can't explcain it & I'm fucked up, i can't believe that we have less then a month to see each other, and then... i don't know, it makes me sad i guess :/

eh... besides, I'm taking pill everyday, I wanna be sedated... I haven't eat nothing since yesterday, & it kinds feel good, i dunno.... I want to lose some weigh
& today i ask a friend to buy some pot, & he had a friend who sells, so... I'll buy it, & I hope I can spoke it with Cristian... I'd like that, he knows whats happening to me right now, it's kinda funny, 'cause we know each other, but we start talking in msn, and I haven't seen him like... personally since, i dunno, three years ao or something, but I just trust in him, and i can tell him everything is going on, and always gives me good advices and stuff, so.. I'd like to spend some time with him smoking hope, i think it'd be great
and that's it I guess... I have to go back to classes, fucking classes :/

Priority

I'm never the first priority; there's something more important than me all the time; & I'm sick of it!

I'm sick of open up my heart & let people in when they don't deserve it, I'm sick of being the second in everything.

& I'm tired of everything, I'm tired of disappointments, tired of... not being asked to wait, that shows me that he doesn't even care a shit about me -.- fuck you! I don't need you, I love but you're making me suffer & I don't want that now, I don't need it in my life. Please go away, I don't want your bipolar shit anymore! I don't want to be so insecure while I'm talking to you!

Fuck you! :D

Fall in Love

Sometimes I think Love is just a lie, or maybe love wasn't made for everyone, or not everybody was made to love... I don't know... But sometimes I get really depress 'cause I look around, and suddenly everyone has a couple, everybody has someone to lie on when they're down or something; & then I look next to me & there's NO ONE! & I think maybe someday someone will show up, & I'll be happy... but I'm 17 ...and I've never found even one person who loves me just for what I am.

Even my parents want to change me, they want me to be a different person, & that's something that shows me that I have to change. & that's not what love means to me.

& then I know someone who tells me "i love you" but then, they change with me, & I feel insecure... how am I supposed to feel if one day someone tells me "I'm yours, i love you more than you can notice" and the next day that someone sends an e-mail to you being cold & distant... what is that supposed to mean?

& then comes all my sensitive side, & I see a serie or a movie or something & I end up crying 'cause nobody likes me; and then the love for myself get lost, I think that everybody has someone who loves them, but I'm so fucking disgusting, I'm such a waste that no one wants to love me, and I don't blame them.

I think I just have to wait, and learn to don't get depress, that's what I have to live... GET USED TO IT, FUCKER! :/

Give me Novacaine

I fell like shit, once again... but isn't 'cause I'm just down, ... I guess it's cause I took too many pills today... I mean, I have to take half of the pill, but I just took Three or something, I can't remember, But I feel like shit, my ehad is gonna explode & I want to vomit...
Beside, I feel kinda lonely & stupid today, I'm in the edge of a nervous breakdown or something.
My friends just left me, & I'm getting tired of trying to be what everyone want me to be,
I'm sick of pretend I am something I'm really not!!! }& I'm fucking tired of listening to everybody telling me : "YOU HAVE TO CHANGE!" Why do I have to change? I do I have to be like everybody is out there? Is fucking stupid, but I think that makes me even more stupid, 'cause I listent to them, & I just ca't stop thinking bout it... I feel like shit, and take pills and shit :/
I need a fix!

Where have all the bastards gone?

I'm sad... I have to admit it... My "best friend" has just left me all alone... again.
He always does it to me... I mean he has done it about a thousand times before, but now I really miss him, I need to tell him really important things that are going on in my life, and I love him so I want to make him part of it, but he is not leaving me… what can I do? I want him back… but I don’t know what to do… I’m not even sure why is he so upset with me…

Fuck.

I know I may leave him alone, wait until this emotional breakdown ends, but I can’t. I’m the kind of person who needs other people. I can’t live my life without him right now… (I know, it’s lame to say it, but it’s true)
But I think I can’t do anything more, I’ll try to talk to him for the last time.. if he doesn’t pay attention to me, I’ll have to assume that he doesn’t want me in his life anymore. GET USED TO IT, FUCKER! :/

No introduction!

Fuck... I think life is a bitch... & I just can't help complain about everything... so, I think this shit is gonna be like my conscience or something like that... I mean, I know nobody is gonna find this, & I know nobody will even care so... I'll write every little thing I have in my head from now on...

Why in english? 'cause that's the way I think when I'm really pissed off... I'm not sure why if I speak spanish ... I think nevermind anyways.... I mean... fuck it with that, I have better things to complain about like... I dunno, so many things, but I won't write those things right now 'cause it's kinda late, & I have to finish some homework & shit... fucking school, I just want to drop out that shit right now... I don't even know why I'm still there... future? life? money? Maybe.. but I don't think that really matter, I mean... I think it's more like... for don't let my family down more then if I'd do it for my self [I'm sure I wrote that wrong, who cares a fuck? ]

& I think that is for today... I'm gonna finish the biology homework, & then I'll go to bed. Fucking tired! :/